“Being a 27 year veteran of marriage and modeling parents that were married for 47 years, I’ve come to know a few things about relationships. A priority for me though is being joyful. More importantly, (for me anyway) I want my relationship to be JOYFUL!
So my wife and I have seen this concept of “Relationship Goals” and thought it’d be a good idea to share our top 10. So, without further adieu, here they are…
Security - This one is broken up into 3 subsets. ”
“Financial, Health, and Love Security.
Financial security is important to live and living. While, yes, there are some “ballers” out there, tech titans and Wall Street Barons, the majority of us guys would be ok if we have some leftover cash each month to stash, do something nice for the wife and a bit of fun for us.
Wisdom Rock here fellas; Women need to have this financial security, otherwise, they go into survival mode and for us guys, we don’t want to hear this sad line from a popular 80s song by Gwen Guthrie, reminding us that there is no romance without finance.
Health Security - Guys, if you spend your 20s and 30 partying and drugging it up, your body may not be in good enough shape to handle an educated 40-year-old woman. The statistics show that women outlive men by a few years as it is. According to the USA Today, the average life expectancy for women in the US 81.2 and 76.4 years for American men. Your women and your extended families love you. Don’t leave them prematurely…”
“Love Security - Are you spending all of your time working, golfing, then in your man cave? Can she scroll through your smartphone without blowing a gasket? She needs this “Love Security to know you’re with her. Give her some attention. Does she enjoy cooking? Book her in a gourmet cooking class! Is she the outdoorsy type? Maybe you should schedule an evening walk with her frequently. Make sure she knows you love her!
Spiritual Life - Hopefully you’re on the same page here. If you’re not, it’s not the end of the world but make sure there is good communication here and an outline that both parties are good with.
Same future plans - Women love a guy that dreams, and thinks thoughtfully about the future and their future together. If you want to live in Miami and he wants to live in Alaska, there may be some issues. Do we want marriage? Do we want children? Where do we want to live? Are we open to several places based on work or family? Who is best handling the money? The housework? Do we need a car? Should we start a business?
“These kind of things are really important to discuss and dream about.
Get along with each other’s families - This is a tricky one for lots of people. Two people, two different families and lots of people to engage with. The important things are to be patient, pleasant as possible and understanding. At the end of the day, however (especially if there is a marriage) your relationship is the most important and you have to navigate that as best you can, considering these other relationships.
Great Sex - This may get some of the guys riled up, but sex is really important. It is not the MOST important, contrary to popular belief, however, it should be recognized. A wisdom rock (my way of saying nugget, a nugget of information or knowledge) for the guys; If you are helping to keep the house clean, washing the dishes, vacuuming the floors, keeping gas in her car, etc. the sex will be great.
Be Best Friends - You are shoulder to shoulder each day taking on the world. When you’re friends, you’ll “give each other that much more attention which feeds into the aforementioned subjects.
Open Communication - (Fight and Forget) Have ground rules for disagreements and don’t hold grudges. We are all human and sometimes we are hungry or tired or something from the office is bothering us. Watch your words, don’t hit below the belt, apologize sincerely and the next day is a NEW day. (set boundaries, and recognize when you should take a step back and separate).
Be Able to enjoy time apart - It's great for my wife to have a day to herself, getting her nails done, running errands etc. without me. Likewise, if I take in a ball game or a day of golf, we are comfortable enough in our skin to be ok with this. It's incumbent on us not to give each other things to worry about when apart, period, and we are all good.
Touching frequently - One of my favorite family members and I would occasionally observe couples when we spent time together. He was a business person, a hustler, and very savvy even though he’d not had a lot of "formal education". He’d spent time in the military, was active in the community where he lived and was also a football coach for the local youth. He had to trust his instincts, was very observant and loved to mentor and coach young people. It was his gift, his passion to share his knowledge.
One of the things that he always did for me when we were together was coach me on my marriage and lovingly point out things to me where I could improve upon or use examples he'd see to mentor me on how I could use the information.
So on this particular occasion, we were with some of my friends and he said to me, “Hey man, I’m not so sure about those two; they don’t touch enough”...What he meant was that when you’re into the relationship, regardless of how long you’ve been in it, you can see the intimacy in the non-verbals sometimes. My wife and I touch all the time, walking by one another in the house or holding hands in public. We are always touching, blowing kisses, winking. Everyone is a bit different here “but makes a lot of sense to me".
My wife has come to know that my key love language is physical touch and she executes this language with me very well. I always enjoy hand holding with her, a hand up and down my back as we sit and chat or her gently rubbing my head as we share a kiss.
You don’t have to have sex “every Saturday”. This was the only topic that Tracy and I mildly disagreed on. This was one of my “rules” established within the last couple of years, but the point she wanted to make was, essentially that when your life is good, your sex life is good, and you can go for a spell without sex if circumstances dictate it. Such as, Your wife is sick, you’ve been working a big project at work that has you drained, etc. The point is that things have a way of balancing out and if your normal routine is curtailed for some reason, it’s ok; You’ll get it "back on track.”